I’ll be the “Banks”
To the parents and caregivers making tough decisions this school year.
Have you ever heard the song “Banks” by Needtobreathe? If you haven’t and you have young children…take some time today to listen. This post is about this song and how it pertains to this particular season of my life, but we will circle back to that.
Needtobreathe is one of my all-time favorite bands. Their music is not just beautiful, but the poetry of their lyrics hits deep. If you follow my author account on Instagram, the very first reel I ever made/posted was accompanied by another Needtobreathe song called “Multiplied.” This song carried me through my season of life after our miscarriage. It propelled me forward in my grief to remember to “surrender to his design,” and that the comfort in knowing my sweet angel was sitting with him in Heaven. “These hallelujahs be multiplied,” was the lyric that went through my mind when I would get sad and remind myself they were already in the best place I could ever imagine. Needless to say, Needtobreathe gave me a breath of relief when I felt like I was suffocating.
Circling back to “Banks.” Ironically, this song was one that I tried to listen to several times and skipped. I don’t know if it was because I wasn’t in the mood for it, or if it was meant to be saved for another time in my life. Well, that time has arrived and I’m so thankful that I am listening to it at a time that gives me reassurance and contentment.
My oldest son is 5. He is a late April birthday and is about start Pre-k for the second time. I know there are parents out there that have much bigger/tougher decisions to make for their children right now, but for a mama's heart making any major decision for your child’s future, it is heavy.
Being a teacher, I was sure that making this decision to repeat Pre-k would be easy. I had this conversation with several parents through my years as a Pre-k teacher, and I was always so confident when I would recommend “the gift of time” (as well called it at my school) because I knew what a gift it truly was. It didn’t always center around if they knew all the academic content, but a major part of the decision was based on the social/emotional piece of a child’s development. We wanted to give each of our students the chance to be a leader and give them the tools to be successful, and one of those tools was time.
When the time came for me to be in the parent seat and make this decision for myself, I was shocked at how difficult it was. I was faced with this decision that truly set my son’s future into motion. Would he stay with the group of friends he had made this year, or join a whole new group of friends? How will this affect sports? Would he be super big for his grade (he is a very tall kid)? Would he be okay academically if we moved him on? Would he be bored academically if we kept him back? Would he understand what was happening and resent me later? I pondered so many questions and played out many different scenarios in my head. My husband and I talked for what seemed like hours about this decision, and his teachers were amazing in supporting us and giving their advice and guidance. Ultimately, we decided the “gift of time” was the right choice for our son…and here’s why.
Life is not a race. We all live life headed toward the same destination, and we do not have to sprint to get there. It is a marathon, and if I get the chance to give my son an extra “water stop” to replenish, restore, and gear up for the next portion, then I want to give that to him.
I see the leader he can be. I look at him and see all he is capable of, and I want to foster the ability to handle the future with confidence. I want him to view himself as a leader, and teach him how to be a positive, impactful role model to his peers.
He will gain new friends and still have the old ones. Sure it is sad leaving his friends from last year, but he is not leaving at all…he is gaining more friends and will be able to spread his light to even more people.
He will be more mature and ready for the responsibility. Nothing against boys because girls benefit from maturity as well, but boys (especially the younger boys) tend to be immature. I want my son to have more maturity when I send him to college because I want to give him the tool to make responsible choices. An extra year with him at home is an extra year to teach him things that will help him be more responsible in his adult life, and he might be able to pass that on to his peers, wife, and even future children.
Last, but not least, the world we live in is different. This is sad, but a fact. The world is not like it was almost 15 years ago when I was a senior in high school. The world is harder to navigate and heavier to hold, and I want to give it more time to heal before I send my child into it. I hope that with time we will see change, but I want to hold my son close until I know he is ready.
Remember that song “Banks” I mentioned before, here is how it ties in. I said in number 5 “hold him close” and there is a portion of the lyrics that say “I want to hold you close, but never hold you back.” Although I am holding my son back a year in Pre-k, I feel that I am unlocking his potential to never hold him back in the future. I am not making this choice for the child I am looking at today but for the man leaving my house to start his adult life when he is 18. I want to make this choice now so that I can his banks. I want to be there to be his safe place to swim when he needs me, but also allow him to swim freely in the river and perfect his stroke.
Some of you may never have to face this choice about holding your children back a year in school, but I guarantee you will face difficult decisions in your parenting. I know this is not the last difficult decision I must make. I pray that when the tough times come and you start thinking about which path to take or which decision to make that you think about how you can be a support to your child, but not hold them back from who they are destined to be. I pray that the decisions are thought through carefully and that you lean on God to understand he is with you every step of the way. I pray that you continue to speak life into your kids and remind them of all the wonderful things they are doing so that they know you always have their best interests at heart. You’ve got this. You are the banks of their river, but let them swim.
Read the Follow-Up HERE!
